Various, Nile River Explorers, Bujagali

After the early night, I had a good lie in, only getting out of the tent when it started to get too hot in the Sun. It was time for brunch and since I hadn’t had breakfast last time I was here I decided to go the whole hog and go for the full English breakfast, with a Coke and a large pot of coffee. It took a while, but at least this time it actually arrived. Beans, fried eggs, grilled tomatoes and fried onions were all OK, bread for toast was the horrible sweet stuff. Sausages were OK and the streaky bacon was crispy and tasty. The pot of coffee was pretty weak but good for about 4 mugs of coffee. A solid 2.5 out of 5.

I went to check out, but was in no rush to head back to Kampala so stayed at the campsite bar with the great view of the Nile, hanging around with the rest of the layabouts. I thought that I might as well hang around and have a late lunch before going back to Kampala after that. Eventually a pack of cards came out and we started with shithead. Whilst playing cards I started to get peckish a little after two so piled in to a cheese, ham and tomato toastie. It was good, exactly what you’d expect from such a simple staple. 2.5 out of 5 solid if unexceptional again.

At some point, fairly early on we switched from shithead to rummy. By the time we finished 26 rounds later it was getting on a bit and I didn’t fancy heading back to Kampala in the dark in a matatu. Sadly there was only a deluxe safari tent left that I had to take. The deluxe tents are set on the terraced hillside overlooking the Nile. They are quite a bit bigger from the standard tents and have a couple of safari chairs and table that you can put out on the small terrace in front of the tent watching the sunset. It was already dark before I moved my stuff in to the tent, so didn’t make the most of the better position and facilities.

View from one of the extra tents. Glorious

Anyway, I did the bare minimum unpacking and headed back to the bar, and eventually got peckish again. I was recommended the Nachos and the massive plate of guac, salsa and cheese topped nachos was pretty damn good. No jalapenos and sadly I asked for chilli which they also didn’t have. I would have it again as a lunch or small dinner. 2.5 out of 5 to end an all-round solid day. So on to the shenanigans. As I mentioned last time these didn’t all happen on the same night, but my memory of what happened when is a bit fuzzy because of alcohol and time. Still everything that comes next did happen over the three nights of my second visit to NRE.

Starting with the tamest, there’s a funnel that comes out quite regularly and frequently and dependent on your proximity to the funnel-ite and their skill / experience you may get covered in beer foam. Haven’t seen anyone do a Linda Blair out of the The Exorcist yet, but I’m sure it’s happened.

Next up is the Bujagali Sunset, eloquently named after the actual sunset in this part of the world. This is another drinking challenge. In Africa we have a coloured spirit called Zappa. The colour makes no difference to the taste, they are all like Sambuca and are just as lethal. As I’m sure you all know Sambuca is made much better when it’s set on fire and Zappa is no different. So with that in mind, the Bujagali Sunset involves getting a few shots of Zappa (I think it is 4) in to a hard plastic cup, a liberal amount of Zappa is then poured over the hand and set on fire. The flaming hand is then used to ignite the cup full of Zappa. I’ve seen many people stuff this stage up so have to set their hand on fire again. With a now extinguished hand and flaming cup of Zappa, the lucky punter has to stick the flaming cup somewhere on bare body, ideally over a nipple. With the wonderful suction effect keeping the cup in place you then have to spin through 360 degrees remove the cup and down the remaining Zappa. Apparently the record is ten in a row. Not sure what the record is for ones done at the same time.

Bujagali Sunset

The covered part of the restaurant / bar is a massive inverted V shape with visible and accessible joists. It’s a good 20 foot high and pretty steep. On occasion the bar is visited by the naked ninja. He’s just like a normal ninja except naked apart from a bandana / head scarf concealing his identity. When the naked ninja strikes without warning he decides to climb up the inside of the roof all the way to the top and down the other side. The first time I reluctantly saw the naked ninja in action he managed to get all the way to the other side of the roof before dropping down on a completely unsuspecting woman who looked up from her book to see naked ninja drop down on to her table. She wasn’t best pleased, but quite how she didn’t notice everyone else in the place cheering and whooping at his escapades.

The interior of the bar where the NN strikes

Lastly this one is a bit of a one-off rather than the regular events above and definitely happened this evening, and was pretty funny at the time. I hope it’s not one of those ‘you had to be there’ stories. Oh, and I’m changing the names to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Anyway I was chatting to Gertrude and the only other punter still in the bar was Algernon. Algernon was nearby, but at the bar chatting to the bar staff. Bear in mind that it was pretty late and close to last orders, but two young attractive local ladies entered the bar. The bolder one of the new pair of visitors made an instant beeline for the bar next to Algernon. Gertrude and I instantly knew what was going on, but Algernon could be a bit naïve at times especially when fuelled with way too much alcohol for normal rational thought. Even then Algernon is quite a straight kind of guy and not the sort to be interested if he knew what the actual situation was.

Still this turn of events was great entertainment for Gertrude and me. We did debate telling Algernon the reality of the situation, but he was enjoying the company of, by now, both the young women, obviously impressed by his ability to get these two attractive ladies hanging off his every word and laughing at all his jokes. At some point one of the expat staff, Gordon, dropped by and told Gertrude and I that the two women were in fact well known prostitutes (shock, horror!) and we should make sure Algernon didn’t do anything stupid.

I had to go to the bar anyway to get another beer so caught up with Algernon, and subtly told him what was going on. Subtly as the two women were well within earshot and I didn’t want to offend them by outing them as prostitutes. Sadly due to either my ineptitude or Algernon’s drunken naivety the message didn’t get through. After relaying my exchange with Gertrude she decided that it’d be better to go the direct approach, called Algernon over and told him exactly what was going on. Algernon surprisingly didn’t agree with this assessment and insisted that the ladies weren’t professionals and were genuinely interested in him and not his money! Can’t say we didn’t warn him.

Eventually Algernon left the bar in the company of one of the ladies; one who he was sure wasn’t a prostitute as he initiated their conversation rather than the other one who went up to the bar and started talking to him first. Obviously Algernon was in for either a big shock (most likely) or a good time (much less likely), but Gertrude and myself, being good upstanding people thought it would be better to intervene so we set off down the steps to where the happy couple had recently gone to. We didn’t get far before we bumped in to Algernon who was running up the steep steps to the safety of the bar, clearly upset about something. His former amour was a fair bit behind and whilst Algernon joined Gertrude and I for a quick debrief, she made a quick exit.

The beach

Sadly it wasn’t a ladyboy story, which would have been hilarious. Algernon and his lady friend went down to the beach, but the issue of financial recompense quickly arose (20,000 UGX c. £5 fact fans). This caused the penny to finally drop for him at which point he made his quick exit insisting nothing else happened. Naturally we couldn’t let that slide and took the mick as much as possible. I came up with a, at the time whilst drunk, great alternative story that sadly I can’t remember. Finally there was some projectile vomiting from Algernon and talk of a resident black mamba it was time to call it a night. Definitely needed to get back to Kampala the next time.